Anticipation

It's been almost four years since that night on the beach when, with ring in hand, he asked, "Will you..?" and I said I would.

Starfish Pendant by Humblebeads

I had a plan. My life would be predictable. Job would follow college, marriage would follow job, kids would follow marriage. There would be no surprises and life would throw me no curve balls. That's me. I like a plan.

Boys Baseball Locket by Surfing Silver

But I have found that there are things more important in life than the houses we build and the plans we make. Sometimes when it comes to our lives, someone else has need of them and a dream fulfilled can sometimes become a dream deferred.
And so the first year was spent apart while degree and university dictated the plan.

Alabama by bethtastic

The second was spent creating a home for my sister here, close to our hearts where we've welcomed my niece and nephews.

You Are My Home by Mamacita Beadworks

The third year was spent learning to fill in the gaps that were left when my father set sail for a new place and a different part of the world.

Desert Heart by Gardanne Beads

And this year I have spent too many days at a hospital, welcoming a new heart into my world and caring for one that has spent itself caring for me.

Damask Bronze Heart Pendant by dreamgirlbeads

I've come to realize that I don't notice the anticipation so much anymore. Oh, it hasn't gone away. It's still at the back of my mind or maybe my heart, but I am learning that there is also something good in the waiting. Something to be learned that cannot be learned in instant gratification.

Tree of Life Pendant by sweetrockcandybeads
That is that life does not begin to be lived in that moment over there, rather it has already begun to be lived in this moment here. If I wait until the moment when our lives were supposed to have begun, I will have missed all the moments of beginning that were found somewhere in between. Moments that will never come again.

And so I wait, with joy and anticipation, the beginning of a new thing and the fulfillment of that dream. I do not know what the next year will bring, but I am positive that the time in between is not wasted. I am positive that when the waiting is over, I will step into that part of my life having learned a lesson that could only have been learned in the anticipation.